My Mental Health Diary
I was about to write to say that this was day 1 of my mental health diary, but in all honesty its more like day 1000.
For the longest time I have been battling anxiety and then depression and more recently Psychosis. It feels like this deep well of sludge is never ending. When will the good life return. When will I find contentment or happiness? Where did it all go wrong.
Its hard to pinpoint an exact time of when this all kicked off. All I can say is that it was probably embedded in my childhood with bad parenting. Mostly from my step father being a real jerk and probably because I didn’t have a father figure around to help me develop. But there could have been less blaming events. Like a few bangs on the head when young or not taking care on nights out and drinking way too much as a teenager and young adult.
Whatever the case there’s a certain point where you stop asking questions and just get to the point. I have these mental health issues. So now what?
What do I do? I take my medication. What else? I make sure I don’t watch things that set me off in an anxious spiral. Like too much social media. Create the content. Don’t consume it. Thats hard Facebook and Instagram are training you to be addicted. That’s why I keep disabling them
What else? Stay away from drama in real life, try to see the positive, do what I can and don’t go overboard.
Basically I have to start learning to be somewhere in the middle and not at the top of everything. I fly to close to the sun too often and my wings get burned. ICARUS.
A troubled mind leads to troubled ways. Concentrate on being present. I’m watching the Brazil vs Serbia game, whilst writing my blog. However I feel good so that’s positive.
I really hate medication. Thats the honest truth. I know I have to take it, but I hate it. Feels like it dulls me down, makes me more average. But I understand without it, I’m unstable and not one to be around. I’ll likely lose my job without it.
So I say a little prayer. Lord help me through the other side of this. Let me leave 2022 behind me and make 2023 a year to remember for the right reasons. AMEN.
Update
I lost my job came off my medication again and relapsed. What reasoning I can find for this I’ll never know.
